Thursday, August 12, 2010

He kissed her cheek, but with a knife in his hand he plunged it in deep

Them Atelier - basics, men & womens jeans at its finest. Lookbook by Eliot Lee Hazel.

My usual sarcastically cheery self is going on vacation momentarily, I have been trying to figure out for days how I can write a piece that doesn't show my grief, but to no avail. I am going through something right now that I cannot put into words - it is private, painful and something I was not prepared to feel anytime soon. Sometimes we think we have it all figured out, we think we know what we want and how to get it and are distracted by what we feel the universe wants from us.. and then we are thrown a curve ball, and our world as we know it, shatters before our very eyes and falls into a million tiny little pieces. Heartbreak in any form is devastating, and feels like the end of the world. Naturally, we try to deal with it by sleeping it off, drowning it in liquor or causing physical pain to ourselves, all in the hopes of distraction, but when we come out of the trance, the pain is still there, often stronger than ever, and unbearably vivid. I am expert on emotional pain, I have a lifetime pass for the roller coaster of self-destruction. I get on the ride unwillingly, but I am a slave to my thoughts. I curl myself up in a ball and refuse to look down, but as the ride jumps from high to low, I cant help but feel sick to my stomach. Maybe I will heal this time, maybe I wont, maybe I will love again, maybe I wont.. but what I really need right now is to believe in myself and love myself alone. Because sometimes, when we are in love, we forget the most essential thing in life. To love the only person we know will stick around for us until the end of time - ourselves.


Allie said...

I ♥ you. My water baby sister from another mister.

Eden said...

i'm here for you no matter what. i know this is hard but youve still got people who fervently will stand by your side--- count me in.

i love you


Anonymous said...

You know what? It's just a ride. I say it again, it's just a ride.

Charge out with massive amounts of power. Put all the hurt and pain in there. Create the best work you ever have done, become stronger then ever before and choose which roller coaster you ride.

Become a force of nature, show the universe the massive amounts of pure raw human power you have.

Rebuild and create the power that is massive and ever lasting.

Anon and dedicated to everyone who reads.

Bren said...

Hi Dane, hope you get through it safely and come back stronger. :)

Toni said...

i feel you, Dane. having emerged from emotional coma myself, i know how it is when our little proverbial cave turns against us. But just what my friend told me the other day; "it will hurt but it wont kill you. as long as it doesn't involved amputating a limb, severe blood loss and even death, then its no biggie.."
i know it sounds absurd but it sure makes for a good laugh esp on a time like this.

keep safe always. oh and, prayer helps too :)

Weesha said...

You just need time, you will heal I'm sure of it :) the Universe does not want you to be with someone who can walk away from you, there's better stuff in store for you <3

being miss east said...

hugs hugs.

Anonymous said...

Feel well. Use the pain to create something new.

Bub said...

Dane girl I am so sorry. I'll be an email away if you need to talk as well, feel better dear. We both can get through this


-annabanana- said...

hi dane. I just realized that Melody is your bf's sister. I am very sorry about what happened. My deepest condolences to her family and friends.