Friday, July 27, 2012

This is hardcore and I'm indestructible

[photo by Jay Santos, taken at Privé Luxury Club, Fort Bonifacio]

I have to apologize for the long-running absences, but my life is such an unpredictable story at the moment. Three weeks ago, I moved back to the Philippines from beautiful Morocco and had quite a bit of personal drama to sort out. With a sigh of relief, let me give you a quick recap of all what's been up lately:

  • (I have rediscovered the awesomeness that are bullet points)
  • I need to stop speaking to Filipino taxi drivers in French.
  • McDonald's 24-hour delivery is essential to city life.
  • Malls give me panic-attacks.
  • The 18th floor is a good place to call home.
  • If you drink it every night, Champagne will no longer give you splitting headaches the day after.
  • I'm perhaps not the "corporate" type. 
  • If you cannot trust your friend, then he/she is not your friend. Simple.
  • This song is, like, the awesomest song ever.
  • I online-shop when I am hungover.
  • I really want to make clothes again..
  • Single life suits me - exclamation point !

I have been missing Morocco for so many reasons. At the end of the day, I never imagined that I would meet such amazing personalities in my 4-month-stint there. I learned French, how to enjoy a good bottle of Rose and that Friday is cous-cous day. I carry with me only love and good memories, and will always look back wanting to do it over again.

When I left for Morocco, I had no idea where I was going, what I was going to do and who I was. I was lost, hurt, and frustrated, constantly feeling like everything I invest in my relationships was ultimately for nothing. I realized that I was making the same mistake over and over again. I would love until I could love no more, and then I would love some more, until nothing was left to myself but scraps of an already battered heart. And when everything would turn sour, I couldn't find my way out of my darkness. With a series of ups and downs under my belt, I realized I had to make a change, before I would self-destruct to the point of no return. I now know, I can't change the way I love, I will always love to the point of madness, it's just how I am. But I can choose to take a deep breath and a big break from it all, and learn how to nurture my relationship with myself first. And maybe someday, somehow.. I'll be ready to be knocked off my high heels again. Maybe.

But until then, let's dance.


Steven Brown said...


KAIIWONG said...

beautiful dress !!


Milsters said...

Wow, I can't believe you've already flown back to the Philippines!!

Everything is up in the air for me as well - I am going to be leaving France on the 3rd of September and am not sure yet where I'll go!

But for now, it's going to be Rome, Brussels, Bruges, San Sebastian, and lots of Paris love for August.

We just have to take whatever comes our way with as much love and strength and joy as possible.

Stay strong.



Ginger said...

Glad you're back !!
Missing your Moroccan blogging !!

Joanne Faith said...

You look gorgeous in that dress - and that was a very beautiful post too :)

Style by Joanne

Emily said...

I'm glad the single life is treating you well! And you ought to be treated well. Champagne and shopping sound like great medicine. The open back of that dress is so hot!

May the force be with you.

cecylia said...

you look amazing- that glitter dress makes you look so sexy!

cecylia said...

you look amazing- that glitter dress makes you look so sexy!