Monday, December 6, 2010

The cold heart will burst If mistrusted first.. And a calm heart will break when given a shake..

Photos by Allyssa Heuze

Too often do we waste time on the unimportant. We judge others when we feel judged, we jump to conclusions, we accuse each other of things our own paranoia fuels us to think, we say things that can not be un-said, we neglect those who need us, we turn our backs on those in pain, we scrutinize, patronize and take each other for granted.

Sometimes I wonder, do we sometimes not realize that those we claim to love the most, are those we also hurt the most?

The problem is, we forget that everyone is hurting, and that maybe they're just not talking about it. Just because someone says "I'm OK" or "It doesn't bother me" or "I'll be fine", it doesn't mean we can dismiss their case as nonexistent. Some of those who put on their bravest faces, are those who suffer most immeasurably. Pride gets in the way of showing their pain, and those around don't realize that this doesn't mean the suffering has diminished, but that it might actually be at its most excruciating point. Not everyone can talk about their feelings, some of us also get tired of feeling sorry for ourselves or are afraid to share and look like a pathetic wreck, or impose on others. We arrive on this earth alone, and we will all die alone. True. But you can suffer your pain and heal on your own, and end up with less scars when you know someone is there to hold your hand along the way.

Some people are "happy" with their lives and therefore refuse to "allow" someone who isn't in a good place to rain down on their parade. That's fair. Who wants to suffer when they don't have to? Who wants to watch someone suffer? It isn't easy to sweep in and be strong for two or even more people. We are only human. We are strong, but we are weak. We are different, but we are all the same. And in the end, we are in this race and on our own.

I sometimes ask myself if I am being tested. For each level of pain that I pass, my reward seems to be more pain. Most of the time, its hard to appreciate the lessons taught to you by bad experiences.. but how else will we learn? We rarely learn from good experiences, especially if we are continuously blessed. You learn to be humble when you crash and have to pick yourself up off the ground. You learn when you are exhausted and you lash out and you ask yourself questions, the why, the how, the why me? I asked myself, why was I blaming others for my pain? Why was I not taking responsibility for how I was feeling? Was I being ignorant and expecting too much from others who might be suffering as much or even more than I already was? I felt like a child, nitpicking on details and over analyzing life, thinking I knew more than I really did and I thought, I'm pretty sure someone has felt the same kind of despair I am feeling, because of something I did to them. We are all born hypocrites, we cant help it, we don't know any better, but maybe if I was aware of what I was putting out there, I could stop myself before I inflict any more pain on anyone - especially if I don't mean to.

So the conclusion to the lessons I have reluctantly learned in the last half year are going to be a jump off point for my new years resolution. I have lost so many loved ones this year, too many, and many around me have lost their loved ones and it makes me wonder: have we told them how much we loved them before we lost them, or were there unresolved issues that could have been fixed? I never want to have to ask myself that question again. And so no matter what happens, and even if I get hurt in the end, I will always, always tell people how I feel about them.

When you love someone, tell them. You might never get a chance to do so again.

When you are angry, express yourself. Write a letter, speak to friends. But don't accuse blindly, don't let your insecurities get the best of you. You might make a mistake you can never undo again.

When you are sad, don't be afraid of it. Emotions are what make us human, and happy or sad, we should never deny ourselves what we are feeling.

Cry. It cleanses the soul.

Write. Even if its only to yourself.

Don't take anything for granted. Nothing in life is permanent. Don't wait until you lose something or someone before you realize how much it/they meant to you.

Stop judging others for their mistakes. Work on correcting yours.

Enjoy what you have and share it. Everything in life is even better when you can share it with someone, anyone.

Forgive those who have wronged you. If you harbor grudges, you are only hurting yourself. There is nothing you cant forgive.

Laugh. Even if this means indulging in a corny spoof movie or getting drunk and laughing with your friends. Its the ultimate band aid for the heart.

Be honest. With others and yourself. The truth might hurt for now, but a lie can ruin your life.

Dream. Dream big. And don't ever let anyone convince you that you cant have what you dream to have. Only you know that. You have to believe you can achieve something, or you might as well stop dreaming altogether.

Don't take anything too seriously. Everything will pass eventually.

Love your family. Blood is thicker than water and they will love you even when the whole world turns their back on you.

And lastly, and most importantly, learn to love yourself.

Nobody is perfect, and nobody will ever be perfect. You can only be the best you that you can be. Don't try to be someone else, don't envy someone for what they have that you don't. Look in the mirror and see the good, dismiss the bad. Don't be so hard on yourself.. learn so you don't make the same mistakes again. And if you do, try again. You have the rest of your life to better yourself, you owe it to yourself to at least try. In the end, we only have one life.. if you're going to live it, live it like you mean it.

When you have accomplished all these things.. teach me how.


Kenna said...

I <3 this post.

Eden said...

omg. babe. :(( couldn't be a more poignant, heartbreaking, but to incredibly written post than this one. you struck every chord in my heart here. and i feel bad that i'm not there personally to comfort you during the worst times.. but know that i'm just here always. i love you and miss you!


Jeffrey Francisco del Valle said...

very well written! i love it :)

Denise said...


daisychain said...

there are simply no words for how much I love and relate to this post.

the photos are beautiful, too x

Raleene said...

MANN i love this post.

Bren said...

Dane, where you are now, I had been through before. Cycles like these happen in our lives unexpectedly. Someone once told me that every 7 years, there are life-altering events. That those events are beyond our control.

You made a good point: that we should love our close family and friends, forgive and forget and to be humble. Pride is an awful thing to have when we are hurt. This post ensues self-reflection.

Stay strong Dane :)

ediot said...

oh my. i LOVE this post! it's so full of joy and positivity.
adore the photos. i wish it was me in the water where it's warm enough to bathe..
thanks for sharing it all
hope you're having a good week so far
take care


Shilpi said...


ming siew said...

boy your header is a killer! loving every bit of it

Jeje said...

Cool hair! I love this post :)

I'm having awesome Christmas Giveaway! Details will be posted this weekend! Spread the word! :)

Anonymous said...

wonderful pics. have a great time growing up!

KD faustino said...

it's nice seeing you totally happy in the photos even if you're still hurting :) i love the photos soooo much!!! and ur new header! x

Kristine said...

Hi babe. Havent been here for so long. This sounds sad yet strong. You look like you are doing well :) Hope to see you next year! ♥♥


This is an excellent post on the lessons of compassion! I've learned from my own mistakes that, once we learn to think selflessly and treat even those who cause us pain with compassion, the more peace we hold in our hearts. While it's not always easy to do this, it's still far easier on the soul than being spiteful or angry.

P.S. I think I'm supposed to live in the tropics. After spending a week on an island and seeing this pictures, the cold, cold Winter outside of my own seems so daunting!

Anonymous said...

hi i love your swimsuit.. mind if i ask whered you get it from? thanks and God bless :)

Dane said...

Anon - Swimsuit is from TopShop :)