Thursday, February 17, 2011

Maybe our heartache never dies with the hot night crash


wearing H&M maxi dress, Amisu leopard coat, vintage boots

I'm way behind on posts.. I know! But before I dive into a different fashion season, I have a few more winter posts to show. Last month, I took a quick weekender to Sweden to visit a girl friend of mine. I made the discovery that haircuts are expensive in Sweden, and therefore Swedish boys have pretty hairstyles, Bilar candy is awesomest when its the sour variety, I have an extreme dislike for liquorish, macaroni & cheese makes for perfect hangover food, Bacardi Razz + sparkling water is delish, Swedish bands are sick and McDonalds at 3am is a total mobscene - where a beer-goggle semi-handsome middle eastern guy tried to pick me up while waiting in line for our BigMacs.

Lately Ive been thinking a lot about friendships and their authenticity. People have always said I'm some kind of social butterfly, and I guess in the end, its the professions I choose and the places I live in that expose me to a wide variety of personalities. Throughout the years I have always struggled with female friends. At times I had many of them, and occasionally I would allow myself to be sucked into a circle, a gaggle of girlie girls and the results would more often than not, be disastrous.

Maybe I'm an easy target. I don't like to go for group manicures, I don't squeal when I see someone I love and jump up and down like a lunatic, I  don't proclaim my love for my friends publicly, and every 2 hours, I don't need a clique to survive or justify my importance. Friendships should be effortless, you are either friends, or you aren't, its that simple. You shouldn't have to prove yourself on a regular basis, you should be able to talk about anything and expect the truth.. right? Based on my experience, it is precisely those who claim to be such amazing friends, who turn out to be complete nightmares in the end. Chances are, they don't even know what friendship is about. Its about being honest and real and actions and not words. Its about unending respect, for you, your friendship, your life, your friends and your relationship. Empty words and overestimated promises mean nothing to me if your actions say the complete opposite. And excuses are just a pathetic attempt at saving face and continuing the pretense.. all in fear of losing potential friends and maybe one day having to stand on their own.. excuses are an insult to my intelligence and I hate feeling insulted. So really, at the end of the day, if you feel betrayed by a so called friend, cut them loose. They will never change, and you will never forgive yourself for wasting so much time on them. I would like to tell you that there is good in everyone, maybe there is. But be sure to double check before you trust anyone in your life with anything that means something to you, especially if it has anything to do with your heart.

XOXO

15 comments:

A loves you! said...

so true!

kiakiakiakia said...

The long stripe dress is love ♥.♥

Denise said...

Hey there. Been lurking on your blog for the longest time. I love the honesty and sincerity of all your posts.

This post hit home for me because like you, I've always had a problem with female friends. It must be the way society program women in general... but it seems like there is so much drama in female friendships. I may have my own personal dramas but with female friendships... it's just too much.

I don't have many friends (especially females). Because honestly, if I can't be my weird, neurotic self with someone, then I won't even bother with them. I just can't keep up with the pretense.

Take care. Your words never fail to inspire me.

Bren said...

Welcome back to blogging, Dane. Very interesting post. As we age, we start to simplify our lives. I once had a friend who told me that as you get older, you start to weed out friends. Anyone can have acquaintances, but how many can you really call "Friend"? Sometimes our friends are there for us, but in the very end, only family is the only ones to rely on. They will always have your back.

Hope everything gets better for you from now on.:)

Bren said...

Welcome back to blogging, Dane. Very interesting post. As we age, we start to simplify our lives. I once had a friend who told me that as you get older, you start to weed out friends. Anyone can have acquaintances, but how many can you really call "Friend"? Sometimes our friends are there for us, but in the very end, only family is the only ones to rely on. They will always have your back.

Hope everything gets better for you :)

Burning Skies said...

Been a follower of your blog for a while now and just wanted to drop by and say hi and how much you inspire me with the way you write. You've always been so honest in your posts that I feel like I know you personally :) hehe
Anyway, I love the coat!

xoxo
http://burningskyy.tumblr.com

Alecto said...

how beautifully written. i've felt this exact same way since i was really young and, as time moved on, i stayed that way. unfortunately, i have seen "friendships" end over not going for a group manicure and a secret infect a group of people and destroy relationships. as i'm gettin older, i dtill feel the same way i did oh so long ago...it's just becoming more lonely as more of my friends make the mad dash to the altar/have a bajillion kids/obsess over marathon times/create odd & disturbing hobbies/find jesus and forget everyone else that made them who they are. it's a shame. and sad. good to know i'm not the only one out there.

The A of DNA said...

Friendships should always be chosen wisely. The people you share your time, love, and life with shouldn't be a careless afterthought, unfortunately I see so many people learn this lesson the hard way.
I see countless people that just live their lives with a glazed over feel of insecurity that they don't even know how to be themselves with anyone. Which only turns them into a plastic drone without real friends, messed up relationships, looking for vices to hold them over while they hide under their safe cloaks of uncertainty.

And I feel you Alecto, baby making starts so young nowadays. haha.

As I always say, keep doing you. Plus, you got a good head on your shoulders.

Cuidate, y si algun dia vienes a Dumaguete...encuentrame. :)

geisharock said...

I love that stripy dress paired with the practical boots for the night out :) I'd love to go to Sweden sometime.

You've moved me with your wise words on friendship - How I wish I could have read this 3-4 years ago! I've learned the hard way that, exactly as you've said, those who proclaim their "best friend" status often turn out to be the bad eggs, that a friend who betrays you isn't worth bothering with and most importantly that friendship is something honest that grows organically and lasts without constant self-declaration.

Hope you're doing well lovely

<3

Erica Wark said...

I absolutely Love that dress! Looks like you had a great time!

I'm your NEWEST follower! I hope you will visit me and follow me back!

xx Erica

www.ericawark.com

blurredmemories said...

i saw your comment! thanks so much, I love your blog as well and these pictures are really cool :)

RSA Certificate said...

I normally don't like too many prints together but your strip/animal combination, AMAZING!

Jane Alisa said...

Beautiful pictures, in love with your maxi dress. xoxo

LIGH✝Sdrivemysoul said...

Such a sweet post, lovingg the striped maxi!

www.lightsdrivemysoul.blogspot.com
xxSea

Mariana said...

Hi there!
That's a great picture combination!
I did that with my Buenos Aires apartments pictures in order to show them to my family.
Cheers