Monday, August 31, 2009

A valueless collection of hopes and past desires



These photos were taken just before the floodgates opened. I have been in a bit of a fragile mood lately.. I am unsure of a lot of things in my life and as a ruthless perfectionist, this is rarely a healthy position for me to be caught in. I have always considered myself a strong person, and for those who know my story, it is probably a surprise to see me still standing, fighting for happiness. I'm not ashamed to admit that I have been battling depression since I was a child - some days I am winning, other times I am completely going under. Blogging has always been a way for me to unleash my demons, and there is another blogspot that I anonymously tend to, neglected since I started this more colorful one, but still active, and ready for another lost entry.

I am not quite sure why I am sharing this information with you, because yes, you're right, this is supposed to be a blog about style. But my recent frustrations stemming from not being able to find inspiration on the Internet has somewhat led me to blur the blogging lines, even if only for one post, for me to just come out and admit something - I have been feeling very sad. It comes and goes, depending on the path of life I am on, and current and past predicaments, and now that I am on my way to finding healing with regards to this latest speed bump I have hit, I thought I would muster up some strength and admit what is always so hard to say, spell or even think.

I refuse to believe that I am the only one in the blogosphere who has been or still is depressed, and whilst I don't expect any of my readers to admit to it, I thought I would face the facts and write what is quite possibly going to be my most honest post on this blog.....

dane

20 comments:

stilettostetico said...

The first Black § White picture is truly Astonishing, you're delightfully full of such a wistful Allure on it!!! AND I really like the way this majestuous kind of Dark aesthetics is ideally capable to reflect/sublimate the model's inner Truth . . .

à Bientôt, Antoine

Yves said...

Gorgeous picture

Allie said...

Dane, I admire you for posting something so honest and leaving yourself vulnerable. That's always something hard for anyone to do, especially in such a public venue. I hope this post was something cathartic for you, and we'll be here to listen and support you should you feel this way in the future. We've all been there, and we can all sympathize with you. At least I can :)

xoxo to the infinity.

Karencilla said...

oh my dear Dane. The pictures are gorgeous and your honesty too. I've been feeling the same way. There are many changes that are happening in my life, and facing my fears isn't very charming.

Hang in there Dane.

Anonymous said...

Dane, you definitely are not the only person to fight depression--there are millions of people who fight that fight every day. I have battled with it also since childhood. But you really really don't have to do it by yourself. It is almost always a chemical imbalance and I strongly urge you to find a good psychiatrist to recommend therapy and medication that will free you from those dark days. It's absolutely amazing to wake up and look around and not see the darkness, to have your energy freed from fighting to get up and get going, to smile at the day and not worry about the next shadow, to not drag your body through the next hour. Believe me you can be free of the darkest thoughts and feel as though you can smile through the rest of your life. Don't waste any more time--it's too precious.

Adela said...

great pics! =)

http://pinkchampagnefashion.blogspot.com/

Coco said...

Have you talked to somebody wise about it? Maybe it would help to speak to a mentor or something...love, I am so sorry to hear this but I'm glad you can be open about it. xx

Rockabye said...

Everything's gonna be alright, Dane ... Someone is watching over u.

Rebecca Elizabeth said...

I totally understand how you feel. You are incredibly talented... and I'm glad that you fight for happiness... many, many people wake up everyday with no passion or ambition for life. The black lace bra you made in one of your recent posts was flawless and gorgeous!

xo.

Angel said...

i know i shouldnt open this up, but i was that chad's ex that bump into minor stalking issue wit u in boracay, :( i know i promised not to bug after i heard about it ..know twas eons ago, but just cant help not gettin in touch when i saw the clothes in twitter :( didnt really mean to make u feel stalked, that time, i know i overdid it somehow, im ashamed :( even things went out crazy, i'd like to hate you that time but ey, your just not easy to hate though, how can i such lovely person u are... :( plus your clothes... i die ...i will defo stalk u again now with wit all those clothes *joke... lol... ey i should say, youre indeed very promising and talented... keep it up gorgeous!

and its true... youre not the only who gets depress... im not sure, but i fink god designs it that way... you get to be depress so when good stuff comes knockin, you'd bounce up happy.. fink we wont know how happiness would feel if we wont experience sadness... it will pass love...it will pass... u take care,yeah?

xx

angelalfeche

http://thegreatsocialnomad.blogspot.com

KATLIN said...

daaaane, ok, i am always at loss for words when people around me are sad or mad. so since i can't give you a big hug i'll repost this quote i put on my blog. "If you really knew how much you were loved, you would never cry again. A sublime relaxation would flood your nervous system, freeing you to see the beautiful secrets that your chronic fear has hidden from you. If you knew how much the world longs for your genius to bloom, the peace that filled you would ensure you could not fail. You'd face every trial with eager equanimity. You would always know exactly what to do because your intuition would tell you in a myriad of subtle ways."

LJ said...

Hey Dane.
It's great to hear such honestly. I feel as if I have bent towards it on my blog occasionally, but probably only I can see it. I suffer from depression too. Not severely, and it is only a recent thing. More situational than something I think is a huge part of me, so I have a lot of hope. I have been feeling really good lately though and i truely think I will beat it. i know you will too. I think the most important thing is to have hope. Because that is what gets you through the tough times. You need to believe you can beat it. It sounds like you are evry bit as brave as you need to be, and you should be proud of yourself. Don't be ashamed of feeling sad, it's what you do to beat it which matters, rather than the fact that it exists.

Honey V said...

Be strong, sweet Lady Dane.
Always remember that what comes down, must come up again. Just keep your chin up, and focus on the fact that you have been very sad before, but eventully it turns around, and then the world is all sunny and sparkly and magical again!
You are an artist - you're SUPPOSED to be prone to deep and dark emotions! :)
Sending you lots of love, and hopefully you'll pass through this phase soon.
Kudos for being brave enough to post such a raw, honest blog.
♥♥♥♥♥

Wanderlusting said...

*Hugs* I suffer from depression too...it comes and goes but sadly (no pun intended) it runs in my entire family, along with a whole host of even nastier afflictions that I try to keep at bay.

Your blog is your blog...style is YOU and if you are sad then that does not deviate from yourself. I often blog about personal things on my blog - and I used to do it a LOT more. It's important, I think, for readers to know more about their bloggers, to understand them. Then you are more than just a picture on a web page.

Thank you for your honestly Dane, it makes me appreciate you and your blog even more now. I'm with you in this, we'll come out of it swinging!

Couture Carrie said...

Lovely photos, darling Dane...
I am sorry you've been feeling so sad. I battle depression too so I totally understand what you are going through. Try to fight the urge to isolate yourself, and know that this too shall pass!

xoxox,
CC

Vik said...

Dane, Im lost for words.. you are so brave to admit your feelings and i do believe what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, i have been fighting serious health problems since Dec.. and it gets me down and sad but you have to keep fighting cos one day karma will pay off and you will be happy. people love you so just remember that. I have faith everything will work out :0 for the both of us.xx

magpie-girl.blogspot.com

daisychain said...

You are incredible,
so strong for admitting how you are feeling right now.
And I'm going to say right now
you are not alone in feeling...fragile/sad/downright miserable right now. I am too. It feels like everything is piling up and I'm just...
I don't know.

<3
Hang in there,
and e-mail me if you ever want to
(laurabudd1(at)hotmail.co.uk)

xxx

Dane said...

You are all amazing ♥







THANK YOU XOXOXOXO

Bella said...

I deeply respect your courage and sincerity, and while you may not even realize the strength it takes to disclose all that you have in this post, many will in fact, draw inspiration from your words, your beauty.

You are never alone sweetie… there are moments when I’ve felt a similar ache. It can be unwavering, sometimes haunting and cruel. Most of us rarely confirm the other side of our lives and all the little pieces that make us who we are… the images we share through various posts show merely one aspect while the rest remains a mystery to everyone else. And even when the silver lining feels untouchable, the search and discovery for even the smallest amount of peace of mind is worth it. Sometimes things just don’t happen when we want them to, but you will find it... because you deserve it. xxx

Kb said...

I hope you are ok. You have such courage writing about this on your blog, I don't feel like I could somehow. Sometimes I'm very down, but I just try and concentrate on things I can control, working on my career etc. We all have many faces. I'm just an e-mail or comment away, if you need to vent. I hope you get your necklace soon, let me know when you do.