wearing People are People satin dress, LegLove by Kate Torralba stockings, vintage boots, Forever 21 knuckle ring
Last Friday we had a big "bondage" themed party at Juice Bar. One of the first times I actually stepped out in heels and one of my now favorite party dresses.. the result was ridiculous. There was lots of whipping and everyone was unleashing their inner freaks. I got my now ex-boy to get on his hands on knees so I could punish him appropriately.. he was a good sport and we all had a good laugh. At the end of the day, no matter how much people have hurt you in the past, if you think they are still worth offering your friendship to, I say screw what other people expect you to do, and just follow your heart. We still have things to sort out, post breakup, but the fact that we still hang out and respect each other, makes for a much less painful separation. I suggest you all try it before turning to more impulsive and potentially embarrassing behavior.
Regardless, change this drastic always brings on the mean reds or the dreaded blues.. I struggle between decisions, following the lead of my shattered heart and sometimes making painful wrong turns. We were all programmed to want an answer to everything, but some things just cannot be explained. I'm well aware of that, but it doesn't make letting go any easier. I have learned however, that I am stronger than I ever have been. My to do list is looking more like a bucket list at this point, and is growing longer by the hour. There is a silver lining to everything, and mine is my new found freedom, something I haven't experienced in a while, thinking only for myself, and not making decisions based on whats best for others. At my age, its both unnerving and exhilarating.. the liberation of the soul. Exquisitely excruciating yet beautifully burdensome. Am I even making sense? My romanticism is running away with my thoughts. In the end, if you can still wake up with a smile on your face, knowing what it is you are leaving behind, there is no need to fear the future.. because subconsciously, your heart has made plans for you already, you just aren't aware of it yet..