Wednesday, November 10, 2010

You've got a mouthful of diamonds and a pocketful of secrets

wearing vintage bodysuit courtesy of Mom, fishnets courtesy of Honi, tube top worn as bandage skirt, Aram Loe striped jelly booties & DIY top hat

So.. I get that this is probably the most delayed Halloween post ever? But life has been nothing short of hectic.. in some ways good, in some not so good - but those are easily survived with a grain of salt - just like cheap tequila. Since my last post quite a few things have happened. I have settled into my new job (which I love!), have opened myself up to something so scary I never thought I was going to even attempt it ever again, and I have gotten into yet another disagreement with someone from my not so distant past.

The thing that irritates me beyond belief, is how no matter how happy you end up being after a shitty breakup, there are days when the mere mention of his name can make your skin crawl, and tears well up in your eyes. I guess its a reflex, its not something we can avoid.. if your feelings for this person were sincere, it means you have allowed yourself to be vulnerable to things related to him. You opened yourself up and let someone in. You shared your soul with someone. When that ends, it isn't a rarity to find yourself with a gaping hole in your center.. you feel broken, incomplete.. I always describe it like a drop-kick into an open heart - it can kill your spirit in split seconds. I'm a firm believer in things happening for a reason and have meanwhile reaped an unimaginable amount of benefits from the split.. and I thank god every day for it. Every day allows me to heal a little more, my past seems more and more like it was somebody else's life, and maybe its better that way. Realizing that the person I was at the end of those 4 and a half years wasn't really me anymore, was a big wake up call, and getting to know myself more and more every day - all over again - is an exciting adventure in itself. I'm grateful for so many things, and so many people in my life, old and new.. besides, I'd much rather be broken over and over again, than too scared to allow myself to be consumed by love.. over and over again..


PS: My costume is supposed to be Zatanna, but I was too lazy to explain it to those who asked.. so at the end of the night I just nodded anytime someone pointed and called me a magician. Hahha.


daisychain said...

I dont have many words,

but I freakin love your booties.


What a fun looking Halloween!

Glad to see a new post from you. I actually just came here to peruse your blog for "Island Style", as I'll be going somewhere tropical in a few weeks and knew you could serve as a source of inspiration for me. :)

Len said...

oh no i was gonna comment on what a sexy magician you'd make. please don't hate. lol

another inspiring post! the last bit hits home as i find myself to be the exact opposite. but i want to make a 180°. here's to stronger days!

and that phantogram song is lush!


Allie said...

Glad to see you back! Life and healing is certainly more important than blogging ;)

dred said...

very well said. :)

you look hot! love your booties. xx

KD faustino said...

every single time i read ur post, i feel like my heart is being stabbed too! and no, im not heartbroken. HAHA! you look hawt in those boots girl!