Monday, June 27, 2011

"Give in to lust, give up to lust, oh heaven knows we'll soon be dust.."

 wearing tube top worn as skirt, random mustard tank, Monki bra, Billabong sweater, vintage boots, Headware headband, Forever 21 bag

Where does one begin to tell their story when they are in the middle of the ultimate curves on the rollercoaster ride of life? I can sit through my day thinking, what a bore, here I go again, same thing every day.. but it really isn't. Every day seems to be changing something significant in everyone who means something to me. Maybe it is the age I am at. We are all hustling, learning, loving, fighting for something.. People are struggling, trying, crying.. dying..

Yesterday I found out that a girl I had met last year at the Sinulog festival in my home town Cebu, was found in her apartment, three days after she hung herself from her door frame. She was in her twenties, and scrolling through her Facebook profile yesterday, I remembered that she was such a pleasure to be around. She was light-hearted, bubbly, funny and incredibly warm. She seemed to have it all.. money, the looks, was well travelled.. And yet. She was apparently so lonely, she chose to take her own life, causing a wave of guilt and confusion around her. The news caused a discussion amongst girls. It seems, we have all been there, we have all wanted to give up at some point in our lives.. My point arrived when I was 16, had just broken up with who I thought was someone I "loved" and was suspended from school for fighting back when 3 girls decided to jump me during P.E. - for dating one of their ex boyfriends. But now, 10 years later, remembering the consequences.. none of it was worth it. So we had to ask ourselves.. what Is it that ultimately pushes people over the edge like that, and how do we avoid ourselves and others from reaching that boiling point?

Everything has become so serious these days, and at this point, I don't know if I would still possess my sanity if it wasn't for my girl friends. No matter how heavy life becomes, I always know there is that, and if for nothing else, I have the unconditional love only true friends can provide you. One of my bestest, Paula, was leaving to attack a new strategy to life, and live out her new adventure on the other side of the world, and we finally caught up, spent time together and goofed around with a bunch of cameras all over the mall, drank wine in the afternoons and infiltrated the local salon for mini-makeovers. She is a trooper, and I will miss her massively.. and she is an admirable pillar of strength. This one's to us, babe!


Denise said...

No one can fathom the depth of someone's pain. So we can do all we can to prevent someone from going over the edge. But in the end, it's the person's prerogative to live or die. (I'm not religious, hence this line of thinking.) For me, the question is: do I continue living with my pain so others won't feel sad or guilty?

lasophia said...

You always share such intimate things with us Dane. Love that about your blog, and your clothes of course. Your story about the jumping was crazy, was that in the U.S.? Crazy how far our teen years are now, back then it seemed so relevant. But it really wasn't. If I ever have kids Im going to emphasize that to them. haha. Take care!


Bren said...

I think we all go through a self-assessment when we see others giving up on life. I went through the same thing last year when my good friend's ex-boyfriend shot himself. He wrote his suicide letter on Facebook how he had learned all he needed to learn in this world and how he was bored and unimpressed. He was only 23. I questioned it for days why someone so young could give up so fast. I still can't understand it. Life really is a rollercoaster and those who ride with you should always bring you up.

As always, great reflection, Dane. :)

Cher A. said...

I've been asking the same questions... it helps to know that I'm not the only one. Happiness really is not what we have but who we have and who we let have us. Just my two cents. :) Nice to see you looking happy. Stay beautiful!

cherie said...

i've been reading your entries and i'm glad you're okay after the incident.. the pictures are beautiful and your words are inspiring..

Archer said...

i must be living inside a cave! i'm from Cebu and i haven't heard of this news...oh this is just heart-breaking...i've always loved reading your blog Dane, you have such great insights...deep.

p.s. you look chic with that sweater and tube-top skirt! reminds me of the girls I see on Mark Hunter's website!

ming siew said...

suicide is never a solution to anything but at moments of desperation, people couldn't think properly. as friends, relatives and people who care, we are only capable of supporting and comforting those who are at's very nice of you to spread this message, hopefully people think twice, even thrice before making an attempt to take one's life. nothing is more precious than life itself. cheers!